It's Alisa writing today.  The last 2 months really have been a blur for me.  Writing or keeping any attention at all on something for an extended period of time has been difficult.  I'm glad Josh can help in catching everyone up on how we've been.

Yesterday we got scan results to see if the biochemotherapy has changed the cancer.  The scans showed not much change.  Meaning it has definitely slowed the spread.  They talk about cancer in my gut and in the fluids that are free flowing in the gut.  Although I still have some ascites, it is much improved.

So we would normally continue on the path that is helping, but this time we just can't.  My body had a pretty rough little go, and who knows what another round of biochemo would do to it.  We have to move on to the next treatment.

We will start PD-1 tomorrow morning.  This is the drug I did in Florida, the one I tried so hard to get in Portland, the one that we did BRAF for so we would qualify for it.  This is the drug I have so much of my heart set on working.

But the doctor said this is a slim chance because of the progression of my disease.  The doctor said best case scenario it controls or eliminates the disease (he thought maybe 5% chance of this), and worst case scenario it does nothing to improve the disease.  He said if this is the case we would be talking months left to live.

Months?

Today Josh and I went to look at plots in our cemetarty.  We interviewed some people to help me out during the day.  I am trying to feel hopeful, but feel much more at peace when I'm doing something about my problem here.  

We had to tell the kids the news, and the prognosis too.  I can only say the thing that makes it even possible to bear is that I know the world is kind and good.  I don't know if I could be as sure of this if I hadn't been through this tragedy we call cancer.  Everyone has been so helpful and loving and sincere to our family.  I know my kids can't help but feel it too.  We have had so many kind words and deeds and prayers said on our behalf.  These all soften the blows for us.  I have enough faith in the world at large to believe they will have a safe place to fall if the worst does happen.

Thank you for that.  Hope to get more regular posts in, now that I'm recovering.