the plan for now

We are still waiting on a few pieces of information before making our final decision on what to do next.  It will most likely be radiation (I am already on the schedule), but we will know for sure by next week.

These last scans proved to be very difficult for me as they got closer.  I started coming up will various aches and pains that I was sure were cancer related.  Stopped running due to pains in the very knee that had cancer a year ago.  Laid down in the afternoons complaining of headaches.  Josh and I started playing the 'Tumor or Zit?' game with every pimple that popped up on my face.  I felt very insecure about the way I have been using my time, and wondering if God didn't start to wonder why He was keeping me around a little longer. 

It was all in my mind, and I half knew it.  My body is still doing an amazing job of keeping this thing in check.  One growing tumor is incredible.  Seriously, the fact that there is nothing new is awesome.  My favorite outcome is that I will now be having scans every 3 months (instead of 2) because I am showing a great pattern.  Three months of freedom!!  Well, minus the 15 days of radiation. 

Still, life is being very kind to me just now.  This winter has been unusually cold and sunless (I think they said our coldest since the 1940s).  I always claimed to suffer from a mild form of SAD, feeling its effects in full in February.  But this year, even in Utah at its worst, I didn't feel depressed (anxious at times, yes).  It was just another month to be grateful for.   Another month to be with my family.  Another month to anticipate spring. 

And already my tulips are breaking through the ground.