mother's day

I have given three wonderful children life, but I can't shake the feeling that in some strange ways, they have given me mine.

I am alive, in part (or mostly), because of these three reasons to live.  They are the part of me I won't give up on.  There have been many days I thought I could not go on.  But they come out of their rooms in the sunny mornings, their bodies still warm and a little limp, open up my blanket, and curl up right beside me.  Big eyes staring at the ceiling wondering what the day will bring.

There was this day last year, some serious fight stirring in me.  I will need that magic again this week in a battle I didn't think I would have to fight.  It's me against the insurance company.  It's a long story, but basically 'the board' denied coverage for the trial.  My mind was very clear as she read off the reasons why they made that decision, and when she was finished I debated every point with perfect logic.  I just wish I could have said it with power!  My voice was shamefully quivering.  I was on the brink of sobbing my face off.

She said "Yes, I see what you're saying.  Let me call you back."  She took it directly to the head MD and called back an hour later.  They are gathering information and will get back to me.  They will pay for some at least, she assured me.

They better, I don't know who would want to deal with this angry mother.  One who has researched this cancer, her options, and this drug in her spare time.  One who for the first time had to take a pain pill during the day today.  One who knows there are drugs out there that help her. One who has tasted victory and will not accept defeat.  One who would do anything for those boys who call her mother.

Bring on your best.  There is no match for this.