countdown

In one week we scan again.  I am entirely creeped out.

My faith a little shaken in the events with my sister.  Lighting can strike in the same place twice.

Predictions?  I think the tumor by my diaphram is gone.  Shortly after last scans I had an awful pain, like a knife cutting through my lung, every time I tried to take a deep breathe.  I would breathe in, then scream as I got to a certain point.  It freaked us out, but only lasted like 4 days.  I am hoping it was getting big as my immune system prepared for attack. 

I think I feel the one in my right arm pit.   You have to dig, but it does seem to still be there. 

But who even knows?  This is all just crazy.

I am assuming if there is nothing new, but we can still see the cancer, we will continue to treat.  Either with just the Temodar, or radiate the remaining tumors.  If we have new growth, IPI again?  A trial?  I don't really know.  I am only now considering these possibilities.  I have felt so dang good, had so much hope.  We slipped back into 'normal' life so quickly and easily.  The kids have been so fun, Josh so happy.  We have been only talking and acting like I am going to be around for a long time. 

But now as we get closer to knowing, I'm not so sure.

And so, I am letting myself be nervous this week.   I took the kids to school this morning then climbed back into bed.  Hiding from all the frightening things that are happening out there.  Using this one morning with nothing on my calendar to take some deep breaths.  To search for some more strength. 

Probably won't find any under the covers though, huh?