Thursday, February 26, 2015

It's Alisa writing today.  The last 2 months really have been a blur for me.  Writing or keeping any attention at all on something for an extended period of time has been difficult.  I'm glad Josh can help in catching everyone up on how we've been.

Yesterday we got scan results to see if the biochemotherapy has changed the cancer.  The scans showed not much change.  Meaning it has definitely slowed the spread.  They talk about cancer in my gut and in the fluids that are free flowing in the gut.  Although I still have some ascites, it is much improved.

So we would normally continue on the path that is helping, but this time we just can't.  My body had a pretty rough little go, and who knows what another round of biochemo would do to it.  We have to move on to the next treatment.

We will start PD-1 tomorrow morning.  This is the drug I did in Florida, the one I tried so hard to get in Portland, the one that we did BRAF for so we would qualify for it.  This is the drug I have so much of my heart set on working.

But the doctor said this is a slim chance because of the progression of my disease.  The doctor said best case scenario it controls or eliminates the disease (he thought maybe 5% chance of this), and worst case scenario it does nothing to improve the disease.  He said if this is the case we would be talking months left to live.

Months?

Today Josh and I went to look at plots in our cemetarty.  We interviewed some people to help me out during the day.  I am trying to feel hopeful, but feel much more at peace when I'm doing something about my problem here.  

We had to tell the kids the news, and the prognosis too.  I can only say the thing that makes it even possible to bear is that I know the world is kind and good.  I don't know if I could be as sure of this if I hadn't been through this tragedy we call cancer.  Everyone has been so helpful and loving and sincere to our family.  I know my kids can't help but feel it too.  We have had so many kind words and deeds and prayers said on our behalf.  These all soften the blows for us.  I have enough faith in the world at large to believe they will have a safe place to fall if the worst does happen.

Thank you for that.  Hope to get more regular posts in, now that I'm recovering.  

41 comments:

  1. Alisa it's so good to hear your voice again. Josh did a great job with the updates but we missed you. We love you.

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  2. Alisa,

    I have been following your blog for years, making sure to check in on you weekly.

    I just want to say I think you are an amazing person.

    Hugs from Boston,
    Merry

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  3. Alisa it is so good to hear from you again. We all continue to pray for you and your family. I was blessed to enjoy your father speaking to us at a Conference in Livermore, Ca. I just had to shake his hand, because he has the most awesome daughter in the world. You have lifted me and my friends. You are our friend, and we thank you for sharing your cancer experience with us. Trusting in the Lord.

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  4. I'm glad we get a post from you! And that it means you're feeling well enough to write it.

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  5. We love you and your boys! We have a continual prayer in our hearts for you and yours!

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  6. I just love you. So unbelievably good to hear from you. Praying with all my might xoxo

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  7. Someone has to make up that 5% statistic - praying it is you.

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  8. I too believe that the world is kind and good, but I hate to think about a world without you in it. Praying so hard for this treatment to work. Thanks for blogging, thanks for just being you.

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  9. Alisa so glad you posted and to hear it in your words... prayers and hugs for you and your amazing family!!!

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  10. I love that you posted. We've missed you. I'm happy you feel up to writing, but my heart is so heavy with all that you've posted. Alisa, I am so sorry for all that you are having to deal with. You have beat the odds so many times before that I'm praying you do it again. I can't begin to express the admiration I have for you and your family. You are the most incredible lady I know. You have super human strength and such an inspirational outlook. The world is so good... especially because of people like you!

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  11. Love you Alisa. Speaking of kind and good, those words describe you. Remember you were my nanny for a week? You are one amazing woman who is spreading kindness and goodness all over the world. Hugs friend.

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  12. My dear Alisa. It is so good to read your words today. We love you and continue to pray in your behalf.

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  13. My heart really goes out to you and your boys (big and smaller :) ) I am hoping that the PD-1 works above all expectations for you.

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  14. Many prayers and much love comes from our ward in Draper. You have amazing strength that blesses and inspires all. Love you ❤

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  15. I randomly found your blog but so glad I did. You are an incredible woman. God bless you and your family during these trying times.

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  16. So good to hear from you Alisa, even though this news is hard to hear. We will continue to pray for you everyday to send as much peace and love your way as possible. Love you and that beautiful family of your so much!

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  17. So good to hear from you Alisa, even though this news is hard to hear. We will continue to pray for you everyday to send as much peace and love your way as possible. Love you and that beautiful family of your so much!

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  18. Like everyone else, I was so glad to hear from you today. We sure love this sweet family of yours.

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  19. I love you Alisa. Thank you for sharing your experiences with all of us. I never come away that I don't feel inspired and humbled. I marvel that throughout this difficult trial you have had the energy and foresight to write. It is a beautiful history that will bless many generations to come, just as it has bless all of us who have had the priviledge to read your words.

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  20. It is great to hear from you. I have so much love for your family. Your post reminded me of our talks and reciting of Anne of Green Gables and the lady of Shallot. You are a beautiful woman Alisa, beautiful to the core, strong and brave. Thoughts and Prayers daily.

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  21. Thank you so much for writing, I love that you are feeling well enough to write. I love you!

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  22. Sending lots and lots of love to you, Alisa. Thinking of you all the time.

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  23. I, too, was so glad to see you are able to post. You are always in my prayers.

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  24. Thinking of you and praying like crazy!

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  25. I'm with MamaBear. You are that 5%.

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  26. I choose to believe in the 5%! The world is good and beautiful and kind...with you in it. I love you dearly!

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  27. Welcome back to the "Alisa" blog through which we all keep checking on you incessantly, Alisa. I love seeing your name typed by you.

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  28. My heart breaks for you and your family, Alisa. You have been through so much and handled it with such grace and strength. Praying for a miracle.

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  29. It is so good to read your 'voice'! I am praying for the best possible outcome with the PD-1. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for taking the time to keep us updated on how you are feeling! Love you!!

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  30. So good to hear from you...I love that you felt up to it. If anyone can beat the odds it is you. I'm praying for it and counting in it. I feel very blessed to know and be inspired by you and Josh. Lots of love, thoughts and prayers from AZ.

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  31. It's good to see a blog post by you, Josh is so wonderful to keep the blog going. Prayers continue for you and for your family.

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  33. I pray for you and your family everyday. My husband has stage 4 melanoma. I understand everything you and josh r going through. Stay strong-thank you for your examples and miracles happen. Miken

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  34. Alisa, I am just a random reader who found your blog some time ago. I never fail to come away from your posts inspired by the beauty of life. You are a remarkable women with a wonderful family. Like so many others, I pray for you and yours every day.

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  35. Keeping your family in our prayers...

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  36. You are so loved Girlie! I'm praying for you and your sweet boys!

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  37. You are so loved Girlie! I'm praying for you and your sweet boys!

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  38. I don't even know what to say. My heart is breaking for you and your sweet family, but at the same time, I will never give up hope that your "next" miracle is just around the corner. I believe you can be the 5%. I believe it because I've seen it happen time and time again. Your faith and strength are truly astounding. Keep on keepin' on, girlie! You are loved and surrounded by angels. I will never stop praying for you! XOXO

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  39. Love, Love, LOVE you Alisa. Hope that new treatment is giving some good results.

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  40. Alisa, praying that the PD-1 does what it is supposed to do! You and josh are always on my mind and I am praying for you and your family daily. Thank you for the reminder that this world is kind and good. You are an amazing chick!!!

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