I miss yesterday's life already.
Scan results were as my doctor put it, "not great." The good news is there is nothing new in the brain or elsewhere. The bad news is those tumors hanging around the kidney have joined together and are invading the kidney, duodenum, and liver.
The cancer is spreading. We have to treat it.
I have already tried radiation to this area. Surgery would be pretty major right now (may include kidney removal and a colostomy bag).
My first choice is the TIL trial in Seattle. I will call them and get the details of qualifying. The big hurdle will be the colitis I had at the beginning of the year. I will need a colonoscopy free of inflammation at the very least to qualify. I need to make sure that is our only challenge, and then figure out timing. It seems like they have to take the cells they have frozen in Seattle and multiply them even more and I don't remember how long it takes.
Second option would be the braf inhibitors. I have a mutation in my cancer cells that allow for a quick and amazing response to these drugs. They work within days and they work on most who have this mutation. The trick is, they are effective for only so long. I have never been super interested in this drug because I am not interested in a few more months of life. But, I need to remember there are people doing well for years on the drug. And we would be using them to shrink those tumors down to allow surgery, and then I could come off of them. Not ideal in my mind, but I could get used to this.
How horrible for my husband to hear (I wanted to cup his ears so he wouldn't have to). What an awful situation to explain to my kids (I could have squeezed them and cried like a baby, but I'm the mom). It hurts to type it out (it makes it real). But in the ultimate act of betrayal, my body is taking over. It is what it is.
So tonight we morn. Tomorrow we research. This week we decide. And then, we fight.
I worry tonight that I don't have what it takes. I don't know what it's going to take, but I also know I have more strength and courage to give. I hope they at least match up.