Tuesday, March 31, 2015

I'm terribly exhausted but I know so many are curious about how today went.  I went through with the chemotherapy (Carbo/Taxol I think, I will have to look it up).  The Dr. thinks he can get 30% of people to respond to it up to 6 months.  A response would possibly get my symptoms in control and we could move back over to the PD-1 or something.  These possibilities are low.  The Dr. said he is now focusing on quality of life more and this may give me some good months.

The chemo won't be bad.  It takes 6 hours to infuse, repeat every 3 weeks.  I think I'll be able to tell if it's working because guess what?  My belly button is a melanoma tumor now.  I've been watching it grow thinking it's becoming an outy because I was getting skinny.  It isn't the one causing pain.  The last couple of weeks we have watched what I thought was a rib tumor grow until it is easily seen and cupped with my hand.  This is where I feel the pain.  There are lots of nerve roots I guess under your ribs so it's a tender spot.  The doctor thinks this is my monster tumor we have been watching just pushing the rib of place.  Awesome.

Because of the pain we get to deal with pain medications.  My pain pump is wonderful, but comes with consequences.  Too tired to go into it, I will later.

I am so humbled by all the kind words written on my last blog entry.  I want to write back to all of you, but the computer makes me so sleepy.  I can't wait to hug and thank you.  It gave me a piece of courage and meaning that I needed today.  It seems like I am always saying "I'm not strong enough for that,"  or "I couldn't do that"  And it may be true, but at the very moment you need that strength, it will be given to us.

I said yes to another round today.  Fresh courage take.


30 comments:

  1. Yes!!! First comment! Jk. This is great news and I pray for your strength to get through these next few weeks until those tumors shrink. But before that belly button one shrinks, lets take pictures because my umbilical hernia needs a friend. 😳 But really, at the rate you are going. You will be celebrating your 15th with josh in no time, and we can go out for my birthday breakfast not long after that. Marking my calendar now. Love you so much.

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  2. Courage is your trademark, Alisa. I'm so proud to be your cousin. I love you. Melissa

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  3. "Quality of life" is a perfect description of you Alisa.

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  4. You are so kind to be thinking of all of us out here who are wondering and worrying... and when you are so exhausted! I don't know how you have the strength for all you do. Praying these next rounds of chemo will go smoothly and comfortably. You are so courageous!

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  5. I thought I was okay with either decision but when I heard you were doing chemo, I was so glad, I guess that is what I was hoping for after all. My kids all cheered when I told them. Laura tells me you have to live to be a grandma. Steven thinks we should be dueling grandmas (I'm not sure where that came from). I love you so! I hope this chemo relieves the some cancer symptoms and fast.

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  6. Like the others, I am glad!! I want you to have as much time as possible. Love you dear friend! I'm so grateful you have this format to hear all the wonderful things people feel about you!!

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  7. Oh I love you so very much. Everyday I think about the next miracle that is right around the corner, just waiting for you--did I mention that I love you SO very much?!

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  8. Thanks for updating! I think of you throughout each day! I'm praying for your comfort through these next rounds of chemo! Love you friend!

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  9. Way to go Alisa. You are a warrior.

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  10. You are such an amazing person...thank you for finding the strength to post...I needed my own daily dose of inspiration ;). Keep fighting, but living your good life. Praying for you and your family daily.

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  11. Here's to effects and mild side effects. Good luck, Alisa. We love you!

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  12. You are so courageous. I can't wait to see you soon!

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  13. You are so courageous. I can't wait to see you soon!

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  14. thank you for still updating us through All of this especially when you're not feeling well. I'm constantly checking to see how you are doing. Love you.

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  15. you are truly amazing and have so much strength!!! I'm glad you posted an update and are fighting with more chemo!! you can fight, you are strong, you are amazing!!

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  16. Alisa,

    Thanks for the update. We're praying for more miracles, and for your life to be extended as long as possible. We're hoping you're able to do all the things you'd like to still do, and have many more sweet days with your family.

    I've been thinking about you so much, and how you have impacted my life. Your inspired posts over the years have given me so much insight into how I should view my role as a mother, and how to see my children for the gifts that they are. I've learned to adore them more, and enjoy each day with them more fully, not knowing how much time we'll have together. You've reminded me not to worry about the unimportant things that we sometimes get caught up in, and to appreciate the simple joys. You've taught me to value life and to see a reason to fight for more of it. Your relentless study and search for the best treatment available--time and time again--has been unbelievable. You've taught me about pleading for miracles, and doing all you can to merit them, and at the same time, trusting in the Lord's will and plan. And at a time when you were in pain and growing worse, your generous service to our family was priceless. Please don't ever think that you've lived a "little" life. You've impacted so many by your example and your willingness to share your experience with us all. You're a hero! We love you, and always will!

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  17. Courage is really one of your strengths. You are amazing. Sending love.

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  18. Your strength and faith continue to bless us all. Continued prayers and much love for your sweet family.

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  19. I know you're so tired Alisa, but thanks for always taking the time to update us. I think about you many, many times a day, and my heart wants to burst with feelings of gratitude and awe whenever you cross my thoughts. You are one of the heroes of my lifetime. I hope when I'm am faced with more of life's challenges I will have even a fraction of your grit and grace. Love you all so much. We continue to pray for you every single day.

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  21. You're constantly in our thoughts and prayers, Alisa. Someday I want to be as brave as you.

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  22. You are amazing! Are you available for the herpie virus? There was a news report on Fox News for melanoma. I hope and pray you are.

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    1. I read that and wondered the same thing!? -Lindsay Palmer

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  23. After reading your last comment I looked up the lyrics to 'Come, Come ye Saints' and thought about your whole journey with Cancer. I admire how you have faced each challenge with faith and courage. You have always been so brave and courageous! You have taught me how to be brave. 😃 Our family continues to pray for your strength and continued blessing. We love you!!

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  24. Thanks for the update. "Fresh courage take" is now my new "clear eyes full hearts can't lose."

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  25. Alisa! I know it's been a while since I 'dropped a line' and said HELLO to you. I think about you OFTEN and I love to read and hear how you are doing. Both the good and the bad...Thanks for updating all of us even when you feel ultra lousy and tired and sick. I am SO sorry you are feeling this way. You are a trooper. I look up to you for your positive thoughts, wonderful outlook on life, sweet spirit, love for your cute family, and all you've been blessed with! You are amazing! I hope you remember me. Katy Warren lives close by and like to reminisce about the good 'ol days in Wyview apts in Provo. ;) I wish we lived closer and I could stop by to say HI or bring you a meal or take your boys for a bit. Just know that I love you and think about you often and think you're pretty darn great! :) XOXOXOXOX Lindsay Palmer

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  26. I've been a little speechless. I have so much I want to say, but don't quite know how to say it. You inspire me. Your courage and strength is remarkable. Make the days count, don't count the days. Shockingly I didn't make that up (ha ha). I love you my friend. Beautiful Alisa!!

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  27. My dear sweet friend, please know that I am thinking of you.

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  28. I've been following your blog for years now after my mom, who was a friend of your moms while they were growing up, told me how inspiring you were. I'v only commented a time or two but I wanted to let you know how often I think of you and pray for you and your family. Many times I've put you and your husband's names on the temple roll even though I don't even know your last name. I figure Heavenly Father knows perfectly well who Josh and Alisa in Utah are. Your beautiful example of courage, strength and bravery shine through your well written posts. I'll continue to pray for your peace and comfort and that of your family's. You've touched more people than you even know. Literally!

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