Wednesday, October 17, 2012


I am sorry for the break in updates.

These last five weeks have been the longest I have gone without seeing a doctor this entire year!  It feels so good.  I will go again next week to chat, check blood work (we have been watching blood counts because of the oral chemo), and pick up another round of pills.  Last month's dose was no big deal, only one day of puking, otherwise I felt just fine.

I continue to look for signs of cancer, but they are just not showing up.  When I count the weeks since that one dose of IPI...almost 18?!  Is this possible?  Scans will be mid-November.  I can only imagine we will see good signs again.  Why not?

Physically I feel incredible.  The only thing I seem to suffer from is nightmares.  All involving cancer.   Most of the time it is a general knowledge that the cancer is back.  Low lighting, scary music, worried exchanges.  But there are also very specific dreams that wake me up, heart racing, feeling for that exact spot I dreamed up a tumor.   I have always been affected emotionally by my dreams (ask Josh how happy I am with him the morning after I dream he cheats on me).  And this is no different.

I go to bed invincible, and wake up vulnerable and scared.

Such is my life this year.  There is no middle ground.  Nothing has been lukewarm.  The adjective doesn't exist.  All or nothing.   Sickly or robust.  Live or die.  Heartbroken or euphoric.  We live in extremes. 

We are right now in a state of extreme happiness.  It involves my normal, everyday life that I wanted back so badly.  It is mostly dishes and laundry and shuttling and motivating kids.  Occasionally reading novels, lunch with friends, exercise, home improvement.  It involves taking trips and making commitments.

And the best part?  It includes planning for the future.  Something stolen, now returned.  A trip this fall.  The kid's Christmas presents.  A move in the spring.  The possibilities!!!

I will try and blog some of the fun we have been up to.  But just now the boys are about the walk in the door.  Homework, piano, karate, dinner, scouts.  Luckiest mom ever.  You get the picture.


  1. I do get the picture Alisa, and it is a beautiful one. Life is beautiful and I am so thrilled you get to live it and enjoy all those wonderful possibilities. So happy for you!

  2. I'm so happy for you! This is so exciting. Heavenly Father definitely answers prayers. (The other reason I know that is true is because 7-11 is coming to Hurricane in November.)

    Thanks for the update!

  3. I can't tell you how happy just your post title made me. And then I read the whole thing... and.. man. Words can't express how very happy I am for you and your family. Virtual high fives and huge smiles from Wisconsin.

  4. I like to read about your excitement for daily motivating kids etc. Sorry we didn't plan our Neptune park times better the other day! I'd have loved to stay and visit had we not been there for several hours already. See you again soon.

  5. But the "move in the Spring" part is on the sad side...

  6. I've always known that miracles exist, but this is the most beautiful miracle I've ever witnessed. I'm so grateful that your doing well. Thanks for sharing your journey.

  7. Love it!!! I am so happy for your "return to normal". I remember the feeling. And as for the nightmares, I also got those too. Very rarely I get them now, but once in awhile I do and always wake up in a cold sweat, feeling my body for lumps and any trace of cancer. The good thing is that they are only that...nightmares.

    One day, soon enough, you will have days, NO weeks, where you rarely even think of the "C" (or "M") word. That is a beautiful day! Sometimes I think it is a trick though and that if I don't think about the cancer returning, it's going to slap me in the face again. We just have to live one day at a time and live joyfully. That is what we should do.



    P.S. My scans are also in November (29th), so let's both be crossing our fingers and toes for good results for the both of us! ;)

  8. I love this post. Even the nightmares have to be doing something for the healing process. I love you.

  9. I love this! It was so good to see you for just a minute the other day! This just needs to continue and continue! p.s. where is this "move in the spring" to? Inquiring minds... ;) Love you woman! p.s. those boys of yours are more handsome in person than I could have imagined... heartbreakers.

  10. wow... YOu are the coolest Alisa! And a move in the spring? Eagle Mtn. is calling your name!:)

  11. Good news, I love it! I love you! Thanks for helping me enjoy my dishes and laundry and all the ups and downs of life.

  12. You are so amazing!!!! I am so happy to hear your good news!!! What an incredible blessing for you and you family to enjoy!!! Love it!!!