And then I'm moving on.
This is a lose-lose situation. I lost because I was going to have a great response to this drug (according to me. I have had a great response to everything they have given me!) The drug company lost because I was going to have a great response and they could have included that in their statistics.
But rules are rules. I get it. The FDA has to be super strict to approve the trials for the safety of the patients. In order to conduct an experiment the variables have to be controlled. Yes. I realize it's tricky to be just the right kind of patient for these things.
Down the road, I may still get this medication. When it is approved, for example. I have asked all the doctors when they think this could be, and they just don't know. Years most likely.
My doctor in Utah will be opening an anti-PD1 trial here shortly, but of course I don't qualify.
And by the way, Anti-PD is short for anti-programed death. Enough said. It rocks. I wanted it. I hope hope hope it will be available to me at some point.
I was very shocked I couldn't have it now, but I am getting over it. I drove all day by myself and stared at the window with no music, very little phone. Just thoughts. Most of them hopeful. I have always thought if things get as bad as they were we could surely just do what worked last time (IPI plus temodar). And I am thinking that is a real possibility.
It might never get that bad again though. I think we will radiate a couple of the tumors. See if that seals the deal here.
So much drama! So many possible outcomes! I keep feeling like I'm in the middle of a really intense book and I just can't stand it any more until I know what happens. I would either skip to the end to figure it out, and then I could enjoy the in between stuff, or I would read all night. But I can't do either. I have to put it down each night one page at a time.
I guess all I can do is fill those pages up with as many happy things as I can. And trust the Author.
|Sunrise at Cannon Beach yesterday|
|Can you guys tell I downloaded Istagram? Watch out! It's pretty fun.|