Tuesday, May 7, 2013

the first stage of grief

Well folks, turns out I was in complete denial.  The pain is tumor related.   Some of the symptoms don't match gallbladder disease.  One of those is the pain I'm getting lifting my right leg when I put a sock or shoe on.  There is a tumor right by the muscle that makes that motion.  Another clue is that the pain is not at all affected by what I eat.  I have been putting this to the test, eating some pretty greasy, gross dinners to see if it would make things worse.  It never did, I just got fatter.  Also just the location of tenderness is pretty much right by the tumors.  The gallbladder looks fine on the CT scan.

I was so amused that I hadn't seriously considered it.  It was gallbladder to me 100%.  "Cancer....hurts?"  I ask in disbelief. 

I came home with some pain med prescriptions.  Hopefully only for occasional use.  

And tomorrow I could have started my dream drug!  Wow.  I guess I can wait 2 weeks.  Right?

10 comments:

  1. Oh man, i hope the insurance company hurries. I am so terribly sorry about it all.

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  2. You have been so blessed not to have so much of the tumor related pain. I pray that continues and that the insurance company gets going!!!!!

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  3. Coming over today. I'll call.

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  4. How incredibly frustrating but how wonderful that you held it together and can see the good side of the company,that is impressive we are praying for you love Suzanne Campbell

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  5. Praying that it's the last stage of grief as well.

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  6. Alisa,

    I am so happy you are doing the Anti-PD1 drug. I think this is the right decision and I just know this drug is going to do the job! I know you've had some "bumps" in the road, but remember, all of those frustrations will only make you appreciate the end result more...victory! I know what it feels like to have to wait for a treatment to start (when you wanted to start yesterday!), but remember that God has a plan for you and he knows EVERYTHING. Be patient and remember that it is all on his time. Your miracle awaits you, on his clock. And it will happen. I have all the faith in the world.

    If you ever need to vent to someone who knows what you're going through, call me up! 513-312-4662.

    Christina

    P.S. Keep your eye on the ball, imagine yourself in remission, imagine hearing the words, N.E.D, imagine getting good news, imagine this drug working...all that positive imagery works! That I know! (And lots of prayers. ;)

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  7. P.P.S. I know a lady who's doing this drug in L.A. She just found out last month that it's working and she is N.E.D. She has been fighting Stage 4 off and on for 10 YEARS! You see, there is hope and I have good feelings about this drug! :)

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  8. Now you have two weeks to unpack? Does that make it any better? Hope you are not in pain, though, while doing so.

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  9. So sorry, praying hard, love you all!

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  10. Alisa, I wish SO much that this would have all gone smoothly for you. I am sorry it hasn't. There are so many of us out here reading your blog (although we don't always comment) and being amazed by your every move! I am so glad this miracle drug is in your very near future! I pray that everything will all fall into place for you in these next few weeks. Hope you are managing ok with the pain. Hang in there, we all love you and your sweet family!

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