Tuesday, March 18, 2014

thanks for asking

I am doing well.  People keep asking how I'm doing, and I forget that I kind of leave things hanging on the blog.

My left arm with the blood clot is much improved.  It's not exactly back to normal, but I'm pleased.

The surgeons in the tumor board meeting unanimously said to leave the remaining tumors alone if they aren't growing, as the surgery would most likely result in the loss of the entire kidney.  I am okay with this.  I wanted the surgery now because I worried that if we waited, we would have to take the entire kidney.  But it looks like that could be the case with surgery now.  We can't radiate there again, as the doctor thought we had most likely given the max dose of radiation to that area.

Of course I am still hoping that the tumors will just chill and stay where they are, but in my experience with my cancer, if it isn't shrinking it will eventually grow.

I feel strangely prepared for whatever at this point.  I have already been through the emotions of re-occurrence, and the disappointment of drug failure.  Not to mention the cancer being almost as bad as it can get (brain tumors).  So what can't I handle at this point?

This Sunday I taught Relief Society in my new ward (lots of Mormon lingo here-sorry) for the first time.  We were talking about procrastinating repentance.  I told a little bit of my story.  I told them I had 25 deadly brain tumors, and how the cancer could have taken me in months.  I explained that it was still hard to repent, or change, even though I knew when I would probably meet my Maker (I'm still working on some things, which is probably why I'm still here.  The moral of the story was that change takes time).   Well, I kind of left that I'm not dying anymore.  I forgot to tell them the part where all the brain tumors disappeared.

I have been worried since that someone is worried about me.  But that is just too much worrying.  Rest assured, friends, that life for me is so very good.

Today I got to register for 8th grade with James (middle school halls-YIKES).  And it was 'Eat Lunch With Your Kids' day at the grade school.  Luke shoved all his food in his face to get to recess ASAP.  He left me with a one of his huge hugs a favorite saying, "I love you Mom.  You're the best."  Sam took his time.  He sat and looked me in the eyes and chatted about his funny day at school.  He waited politely till I told him he better run out and get some exercise.  "Thanks for coming Mom!"

This is what I fought for.  This is exactly what I wanted out of life.  Every day I am fulfilled.

"Mom, are we millionaires?"  Oh, Sam.  Practically. 


  1. I wish I could have been a your RS lesson. I bet it was great! I'm so happy that you're doing well. Love you!

  2. Thanks again for a wonderful post. Sure love ya!

  3. I really love that picture--Sam is your spitting image! And I know why he thinks you are millionaires.

  4. I'm so glad to hear and see that you're doing well. Love the picture. I try to comment from my phone sometimes and it doesn't work, but I am constantly getting on here to see how you're doing, so thanks for not leaving me hanging too long. You'll know it's too long when I FB you. :)

  5. I cannot even say it enough, you are AMAZING! YOU have more strength then anyone I know, I know your faith has kept you going. The last part where you put the picture of you and your cute son and it says "This is exactly what I fought for", it hit the chord with me... Your so right, these kids are why we all fight- why you fight. Prayers are never stopping for you.

  6. No need to worry about us worriers... I think you probably do enough of that on your own. It is always a relief to hear you are doing well though. And that picture is just beautiful. Seriously, isn't being a mother the best?! It makes this crazy life all worth it. Your boys are adorable and they are so blessed to have you as their Mom. Hope the tumors chill for you :).

  7. You are beautiful in every possible way! I'm SO glad things are going well! Thanks for updating, I literally check up on you every few days! Xoxo

  8. I so wish I could have been in your RS too! You are an amazing mom - definitely a millionaire. xoxox

  9. Is it weird that I want that picture of you and Sam on my wall?

  10. I bet your RS lesson was amazing. I'm sure there were a lot of tears. I am so grateful to hear that not only are things stable right now, but your spirits and perspective are in the right place too.

    P.S. I know what you mean about not "being done yet". I must have a lot of things to still work on too, hence why I'm still here! But hey, I'll take it! XOXO