game on

Today is the day I started a fight that I must win. All I had to do was hold very still while listening to Cold Play.



I did have to take a pretty hard test. They hooked me up to an EKG and telemetry monitor and gave me some IV dobutamine to make my heart race. It also made it beat very strong. They did an echo-cardiogram before, during, and after they administered the drug to see if the heart was in good enough shape for the rigors of IL2. They thought everything looked really good.



Hospitals used to be such happy places. I kind of had to keep my tears in while listening to and watching my heart beat. I know that sound. Pretty sure they should be aiming this thing at my stomach. And how much fun would it be if they hear not one, but two little hearts beating? And how wonderful it would be to sit in a hospital gown, in a hospital room with Josh, and discuss the fussy things you have to bring up when a new person is about to be brought home. And how Josh would look at me with excitement and pride while I lay on the bed and hurt. And how he would cut the cord and the nurse would lay the beautiful wet thing on my chest and, wow! How I would cry and laugh, and hold the little creature so tight and whisper, "Happy Birthday!"

"Alisa? How are feeling now?" My heart was in the 120s by now and pounding out of my chest like nothing I can relate to. "Oh...It's just...(eyebrows scrunched together)...My heart..."