Saturday, January 21, 2012

pain

It has been a long week. Worst ever. I have had a low grade fever ever since Tuesday when we found out (or really, maybe it's been longer, I've never checked). My theory is my immune system is really trying to do something about the recent invasion. Poor baby, it has been fighting this thing for 5 years. We gotta give it some help!

Had the talk with the kids today. I will have to post some of the video. I pride myself on my pep talks. This was a hard one. Not a ton of pep at the end. Lots of tears, lots of fears.

Trying very hard to stay positive. I now have a dull ache constantly in the right ischium. Can't believe how fast it seems to get worse. I was doing yoga until the beginning of the year. No way I could do most of the sitting positions, it hurts even to bend and touch my toes. I was running a week ago, and only noticing pain there when I ran up the stairs. It now smarts when I sit down quickly without taking care to position myself just so. We are totally creeped out by this. Cancer is at the very least right now, a pain the butt.

Thank you for all the offers to help. They really give us a sense of peace. I am working out a schedule right now for the kids and the housekeeping. I cannot believe how many options I have. Both of our families live close. I have 4 sisters a short drive away. A neighborhood full of best friends. The kids will be very well taken care of.

I am a painfully independent person by nature. But a couple of my sister's came by today so desperate to help. I put myself in their shoes and realized that I could actually help their anxiety if I could find them something to do. So I am working on that. It's time to take people up on their offers.

For now, I appreciate all the prayers. Josh and I went to the temple today, and felt lots of love during the prayer. We are doing okay. Nights are hard. Putting the kids to sleep is very difficult. No one wants to make the boys be silent for the rest of the night. I keep capturing any child who wakes up in the middle of the night to pee. He must get in my bed and sleep by my shoulder. I want to hear him breathing and stare at his eyelashes.

Love is heaven, and heartbreak is hell. How are we mixed up in both?

9 comments:

  1. You are in our prayers also. You have helped me focus on all the little things and I try to suck everything out of life. I want to make sure that I'm not taking anything for granted. Thank you for your example.

    Hang in there!

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    1. thinking of you and you and your family are in my prayers, I wish we were closer to help... you way of writing always makes me cry!!!! you are one tough girl!!! keep it up:)

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  2. Alisa, I try and try to have words for you, I try to come up with words of comfort- I am just not good at it. Please know we are praying, we are crying, we are supporting- we are here for you and Josh and the boys, I am serious- if you need anything please please know I am here. Your such a beautiful girl and I have SO much respect for you, Josh your amazing yourself. ((hugs))

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  3. Oh sweet alisa ... I am just catching up on all this and don't really have words ... Other than our prayers are with you and your sweet family !!

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  4. Alisa, I'm not sure if you remember me from nursing school, I was Camille Gunter back then. I just found your blog last week and have been thinking of you so much. You are such a beautiful and talented person. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better person. Please know you are in my thoughts, prayers, and tears as my heart goes out to you. Whatever happened to those invincible girls who studied abroad in Mexico anyway? If only they could stay invincible...
    Hugs,
    Camille

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  5. Yes, heaven and hell mixed together...quite the experience. I'm so sorry Alisa, Josh, boys. We love you so much.

    I'm not far away either. I would love to help in anyway I can. Put me on the schedule for cleaning, meals, boys. Anything.

    We pray for you all morning, noon and night. I'll throw in an extra one for your treatment tomorrow.

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  6. Ugh! This post breaks my heart. You're right that we're anxious to help. I hope we can make things even just a little easier.

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  7. Definitely a pain in the butt. :(

    Love you so much.

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