Monday, January 23, 2012

mom vs cancer

We got the rest of my appointments scheduled this morning. I start radiation on Wednesday. Get my heart and lungs tested on Thursday (to see if they are in good enough condition for the IL2). I start the IL2 on Monday at 8:00 am.

I am going to post my long explanation (the camera stopped recording half-way through, so this is just the IL2 and IPI option) to the kids. The highlights are: Me sitting down like an old lady, being every so careful. Watching this makes me so sad. I think I've been doing this for weeks and thinking nothing of it. James crossing out the cancer in the mom vs. cancer story. Sam writing "Mom Wims" at the beginning of the story, and James making fun of it. Luke asking from the get-go, "Could you die of this?" "Would you have more chance of dying?" Luke altering my smile on the animated version of me.

I really did give a good hope and miracle section at the end that was not recorded. I think I am scared of harming their faith if I say that for sure if we are praying hard enough that we can cure the cancer. I am trying to find a realistic balance. This is all uncharted territory. I don't really know how to handle it, or what the experts say. But the truth is out there. Like I say at the beginning, I don't want them to be surprised no matter what happens. Good or bad. Anything can happen. I think we are all clinging to the good possibilities.

We had a good cry. I did have Josh start to video by then, so I put some slow mo of that in there at the end. It needs some sad music, but I am tired. Where is my professional filming team?

My final point to the kids was, "This is going to be hard. But guess what? We can do hard things."


  1. Alisa,

    I admire your strength, knowledge, faith, and courage! I know that all of these things will help get you through this!

    We love you and your boys (including Josh :>) and you and your family are in our constant prayer!

    With Love,

    Jesse and Leah Powell

  2. That is the most emotional medical lesson I've ever had. Not a dry eye here. We love you.

  3. That 10 seconds of slow mo opened the flood gates again. Dang it!! Thanks for posting this, it was so informative. I need all medical updates in kid language. Oh wait.. Nurse!

  4. Oh Alisa... how you do it, I have no idea. You are so brave! What a tender video, especially the last few seconds. I admire how open you are with those wonderful boys. They will always be thankful for that I am sure. Keep the faith. We will keep praying! All our love,
    Kandace and Rod

  5. Alisa, I admire you so much. I admire your strength and faith, and courage. You are such a strong, amazing person! That had to have been the hardest thing to do is sit down with your kids and explain all of that, I dont think I could do it. Your boys are SO adorable. We think about you every day and you and your family continue to be in our prayers. Good luck as you start your treatments.

  6. Wow! I cannot even imagine the feelings and thoughts you must be having now. I can't imagine how strong you have to be for yourself and your family. You're amazing! Go IPI. :) Or IL2. I'll be frequently checking to see how you are doing. I'd say good luck through the treatments, but after you described them, it doesn't seem big enough, so I don't know what to say but love ya and keep going strong!!! (Same to Josh. Must be crazy hard for him too!)

  7. Alisa--this is too reminiscent of us talking to our (grownup!) kids about Brent's cancer. Lots of medical speak and then the reality. Lots of tears. Lots. Let them come, they are actually healing. Love you and you KNOW you are in our prayers. Go 6%.

    1. So glad that you posted that! It gave me a greater perspective of what you will be going through and specifics of what to pray for. Your boys are so awesome and my heart goes out to your family. Wow! I too am glad that you have so many options and that the doctors are doing all they can. Love you guys!

  8. This video made me cry. You are brave and strong. Much love to you all.

  9. I watched the "I am a Johnson" video of Luke right after I watched "Mom vs. Cancer." It was a good cheer up.
    I've decided he needs you too much. You're here to stay.