Changed my mind.
I felt so good about my decision this morning. Took my time getting the kids ready. Breakfast, homework, chores, hairdos. Thinking how great it was I could try something for this cancer that would not take me away from home.
Met with the trial nurse after I got them off to school. Got all the details about the vaccine. Really didn't like some of them. So I called and scheduled surgery for Friday. Ultra sound to get the exact spot (although I can now feel it with my fingers) tomorrow. Trial is off. I don't know exactly what we are going to do after that. But it's a start. I know there is really no great option right now.
But this one I feel good about. If you haven't noticed, I might have some negative thoughts that creep up every now and then. For some reason having a tumor in my leg does not help. The creepy thing stares at me from inside, planning her next move with a wicked laugh. I'm seriously hearing voices from inside my leg.
And I'm talking back. "Game on Cancer."
My moods are changing every hour, so posts here are not an accurate picture of my day. I was thinking today I need to see a motivational speaker after every depressing Dr. appointment. That is probably called counseling. And there are those voices...
But usually (like right now) I'm thinking I'm just fine. Just happy. Just like I'm supposed to feel. Just like it used to be. I feel like me sometimes. Just enough to get me through.