Changed my mind.
I felt so good about my decision this morning. Took my time getting the kids ready. Breakfast, homework, chores, hairdos. Thinking how great it was I could try something for this cancer that would not take me away from home.
Met with the trial nurse after I got them off to school. Got all the details about the vaccine. Really didn't like some of them. So I called and scheduled surgery for Friday. Ultra sound to get the exact spot (although I can now feel it with my fingers) tomorrow. Trial is off. I don't know exactly what we are going to do after that. But it's a start. I know there is really no great option right now.
But this one I feel good about. If you haven't noticed, I might have some negative thoughts that creep up every now and then. For some reason having a tumor in my leg does not help. The creepy thing stares at me from inside, planning her next move with a wicked laugh. I'm seriously hearing voices from inside my leg.
And I'm talking back. "Game on Cancer."
p.s.
My moods are changing every hour, so posts here are not an accurate picture of my day. I was thinking today I need to see a motivational speaker after every depressing Dr. appointment. That is probably called counseling. And there are those voices...
But usually (like right now) I'm thinking I'm just fine. Just happy. Just like I'm supposed to feel. Just like it used to be. I feel like me sometimes. Just enough to get me through.
So without the trial is there no way they'll give you the vaccine injections? I feel good about you getting it out, too.
ReplyDeleteThe vaccine is injected into the tumor. You have to have a tumor to qualify.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you feel good about your decision. (At least this minute!) Just know you have a bunch of people all on your side. I say, "Good riddance stupid tumor!!"
ReplyDeleteI can picture you with your furrowed brow and brooding eyes saying "Game on". OOH! It gives me chills just thinking about it! That tumor is in for it!
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with ya Alisa- I wish I could say something that would make it and make you feel better.. Your such an inspiration and such an amazing girl. Negativity is ALWAYS accepted but from you your positives always out way any negatives, your allowed. Hugs to you.
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