Monday, July 21, 2014

I have taken a turn for the better now that the first chemo drug (Cytoxan) is flushing out of my system.  I even had a little breakfast.  They said my bone marrow has now been stopped and my neutrophils will start to decrease.  I now get one dose of the second chemo (Fludarabine) each day until Thursday when I am scheduled to get my T-cells back.  As I reminder, the chemo is not being used on the tumors I have, but to kill off my existing immune system to make room for my new super charged immune system.

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and prayers.  I know everyone is curious how I'm feeling about all this.

It is strange to lay here with fight songs and angry energy pulsing through my veins.  Sometimes I feel like putting down something James (my 13 year old) would write up.  Something with explosives and tactics and blood and steel.  Something that makes you shut your eyes and turn your head.

But no.  In reality this fight is just the pulse of the IV pump.  A smile from the kindest nurses.  Josh working on his computer.  And my eyes lids drooping.  Maybe a barf here and there.

But in my head, I wish it was an air raid.  I want to see the damage.

I miss my kids and my summer.  I miss my bed and my dog.  But if this works we won't have to come back to this hospital, or stay at any other.  If it works the dog days of summer will never be spent indoors again.

Praying that this works.

From the tramp last week.  We had a bit of World Cup fever this last month.  Josh served a mission for our church in Argentina when they went to the world cup back in the 90's.  I'm not sure if I've mentioned his recent obsession to soccer, but the one thing he is worried about leaving for a month is his 9 year old soccer team.  I might have rolled my eyes at that one. 


  1. Keep the magic mouth rinse on hand if those nasty canker sores start to crop up due to Neutropenia! It's a lifesaver! Glad today was better! We are headed to Seattle Children's this week. I may just drop off a little something but won't bother you! Just know I am thinking and praying for you!

  2. I'm loving that you're feeling well enough to write this. Keep fighting the fight, even though it's a quiet one. Love you!

  3. Thanks for keeping us informed. I wish we could do more than just love you and pray for you. Even when you're sick, you're a beautiful writer.

  4. I just read all the posts and am so grateful for the tender mercy that the trial is paid for. What a blessing! As I watched your video, tears streamed down my face thinking that you even had to weigh the option of not going through with the trial. I am so glad that you shared this post. It is such a privilege to be your friend and watch you these past years. Your beauty and grace is astounding; your words, uplifting; your endurance, relentless. Fight on my beautiful friend. I wish I could do more. Prayers are being offered continuously in your behalf! ((Hugs))