second and third opinions

Appointments went well today.  There is major concern with surgery in the area.  Basically the kidney and liver need to be sliced, which is not a big deal, but the area near the duodenum could be dangerous.  Most sections of bowel are pretty easy to cut out. The section my tumor is invading is the section where the bile and pancreatic ducts join the digestion party.  The duodenum shares blood supply with the pancreas, so if it needed to come out, so would the head of my pancreas.  The area has been radiated, which will make everything trickier (I guess it kind of sticks things together, maybe a little like scar tissue?  I don't understand perfectly).  In the worst case scenario it would be a Whipple procedure a nephrectomy and a little liver dissection.  With the complication rate as high as 75%, and as 5-10% of complications not being fixable (you die), they are recommending I try something else.  Of course they would do this if this was my last option.  I may end up doing this at some point anyway if we can't shrink this tumor.

So.  I have the weekend to make peace with what I heard today.  It is strange to see surgeons hesitate.  They are so capable and bold and brave.

I talked to my Dad's friend, a retired surgeon, and I really appreciated his reminder that in the end, this is in God's hands.  I make the best decision I can, and God will sustain that decision.  And then what will happen will happen.

I will do my part.  I will research.  I will pray.  I will try my hardest.  I will think positive.  I will role with the punches.  I will try not to worry my life away.

And I will have a plan.  And I will be okay.