the best is yet to be

Remember all those cute family videos I was going to make this week? Got on my computer almost zero times due to my inability to do anything but act sick. On Valentines Day I managed to put a picture of Josh and me up on Facebook, but my bigger plan was to try out iMovie with a look back at our love story.

I know everyone thinks their love is something special, like no one else's. We are probably all right. I know mine is unique. Even if we can be categorized as your standard high school sweethearts.

I vividly remember the first day I saw Josh. It was the last day of 6th grade. We all walked to a park a few blocks west of the school to play sports and celebrate the end of elementary. After a few games of tennis, I walked up to see what was going on at the baseball field. There was a tall boy, not from our school, in zebra print MC Hammer pants joking and flirting with all my classmates. And playing pitcher! The nerve! I asked my friends about him and they said they all knew him because he used to go to our school. He left to attend a gifted program at another school the year (5th grade) I moved to Sandy. I was very intrigued. Mostly in his confidence. He has always had so much of that.

And so, like I said before, I played my cards carefully. I sat close to him in all my classes (we have been in almost every class together since the 7th grade because we had an honors program in the school that gave us similar schedules). I was quiet and listened to everything he said about himself. If he liked country music, I liked country music. If he liked sports, I liked sports. He at this point didn't know I existed. He was a very popular kid.

One day he took notice of me. It was the end of 8th grade. In English class. I had walked by him kissing girls in the halls for 2 years. But finally I caught him looking at me, and flirting with me.

Of course, we never kissed in the halls. We had a bit of a tumultuous relationship, I was always trying to break up with him, and he was always apologizing for things he didn't do. It's long and complicated, but he never gave up on me. No matter what mean things I said, he came back as confidently as ever and I could never resist.

During one of the try-and-break-up-with-hims, I said, Why don't you find another girl? "I like you." Why? There are other girls like me. There are other girls better than me! They are prettier, and more athletic, and for sure nicer! "Well, I'm very picky." I know, and you can have your pick, anyone would take you, Josh. "Yeah, but I like the way you walk."

He has always maintained his undying love for me. He does everything for me. He says he wants to do everything for me. It's like nothing is too much to ask. The kids, the house, the neeeeeeedy wife. He won't leave the hospital while I'm there. He will hardly leave the house if I'm here. He won't sleep if I'm up sick. He doesn't complain, he has to keep working, he still walks the dog, and wants to play with the kids.

******

When things are scariest, when they are the hardest, when you have to push yourself to do something outside of your limits...it seems like you needs an image. That picture in the back of your mind on why you are working so hard to get something done. The reason for your struggle. Maybe a soldier keeps a sunny day with his little kids in his heart, a runner puts that goal line with his foot crossing over in the front of his mind, a child lost in the woods (this probably doesn't happen anymore, but it sounds scary) sees the his backlit home as the sun sets when he closes his eyes as strange noises are snapping around him.

When I am very sick, sick like I would just rather die of cancer sick (just been there), I have been lucky enough to have that image holding my hand, kissing me on the forehead, and praying at my bedside. The whole time looking at me with love, and of course that confidence..

It has been so much fun to grow up with Josh. I don't know if we were made for each other. I know we started at a very young age to be what the other one wanted, so in a way, yes. I know our hopes and dreams are built around each other.

God bless our love, Babe. For years and years. Of all the millions of reasons I want to live, you are number one.

ps, I could write sheets and sheets about Josh, but this was enough to put me in tears. Even if I listed just the things Josh did today it would amaze. Seriously. I think he is superhuman.

pps, this is Peter Brienholt singing a song by John Lennon, quoting Robert Browning.